Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
