my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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