I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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