I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
