i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We left an ass print on the piano.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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