Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
