I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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