I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
