No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
