I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
