just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
