A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
