last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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