I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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