I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
