looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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