If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
