question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
