Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
