You smell like stripper and shame
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
