Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
