I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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