At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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