is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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