she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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