I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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