Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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