i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
