# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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