9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
