So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
