My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry my hands just texted you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
did i just pee glitter
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
