have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
