Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
