This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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