I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
