Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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