Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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