You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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