your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
