and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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