I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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