this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
