Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
