Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
