There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im drinking this country out of the recession.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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