My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
