When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
