TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
