you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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