So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
