Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize