He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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