she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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