Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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