I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
