My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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