Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
