She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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