So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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