Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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