Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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