Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
