Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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