I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
