3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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