Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
