I can tuck mytits in my pants
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
