Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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