I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
