Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
