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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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