It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love how my cats smell like pot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
